Making Room

“She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

It was the first morning of my retreat in Mexico. I stepped out on the balcony in the balmy air to collect my thoughts, pray and worship before teaching. Then I heard the words of the song by I Am They, “I will make room for you to do whatever you want to…here is where I lay it down, every lie and every doubt. This is my surrender; this is my surrender.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks because I knew that God was doing a deep and sacred work in me. Just six weeks prior to this day I was enrolled in a Bible study called Trusting God More. The very same day I started the study, I found a little lump in my breast which began a cascade of events. The irony of the timing of this occurrence was not lost on me.

This moment marked the beginning of a realignment—body, mind, and soul. I realized I had slipped into unhealthy patterns, both physically and mentally. Despite loving my family deeply and being passionate about encouraging other women, I had lost clarity around my purpose. My identity had gotten tangled up in doing, achieving, and pleasing.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines identity as “the distinguishing character or personality of an individual: individuality, or the relation established by psychological identification.”  In other words, how you view yourself. The Bible puts it this way, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” – Proverbs 23:7

I believe that we can love God, read our Bibles, pray every day and be great humans, but still have a broken view of ourselves. False narratives settle in our minds over time, especially during vulnerable seasons. Maybe we’ve been told or somehow inferred that our voice doesn’t matter. Maybe we’ve silenced our own dreams in the name of being “good” children, wives, mothers, and friends. We press forward in survival mode, believing lies like:

• My worth is tied to my productivity.
• I don’t deserve rest.
• I have to hold everything together for everyone else.
• I don’t deserve to express my needs or pursue my dreams.

These beliefs are heavy, exhausting—and not from God. That is living in survival mode, not thriving, and it is detrimental to our health and our souls.

You were never meant to shrink.
You were never meant to blend in or conform to others’ expectations. You are uniquely created by God, with a purpose that may evolve with seasons, but remains rooted in who you are. Maybe you’re an encourager. In one season, that means pouring into your kids. In another, it might mean mentoring peers or leading retreats. Purpose is not a title—it’s a posture, and everyone has one!

Jesus said in John 10:10, “I came that they may have life, and have it to the full.” That kind of life is overflowing with joy, abundance, peace, and purpose. But we can’t live fully if we’re weighed down by fear, past wounds, or an identity that doesn’t align with God’s truth.

In her book, Soul Care, Debra Fileta writes, “In order to bring our identity into alignment with God’s truth, we often have to go back and confront some of the lies that we’ve been believing. Lies that subtly make their way into our lives during the most vulnerable seasons, when we’re most susceptible.”

Jamie Kerna Lima echoes this in her book Believe it, “In life it’s not our experiences that make us unique, it’s our response to those experiences.”

Identity is foundational; it is why so many people make New Year’s resolutions and fail to keep them. We try to change our behavior without addressing the beliefs beneath them. We keep going back to old habits and thought patterns. We might lose weight and gain it back, make money and go broke, get well only to get sick again or keep dating people that are not worthy of us. It’s a never-ending cycle – until we confront identity at the root.

Your identity will either keep you stuck or propel you. As entrepreneur and motivational speaker Ed Mylett says, “your identity is the governing force in your life, and your outcome will never exceed your identity. You don’t get what you deserve; you get what you think you deserve.”

Abiding not Striving

I am a first-born child, so I am a rule follower and a bit of a perfectionist. I found myself afraid of making mistakes very often in life. This fear probably cost me a few missed opportunities along the way.

But through each trial, God kept whispering the same truth: Abide, not strive.

Psalm 91 became my anchor passage:
“She who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty… He is my refuge and my fortress.”

John 15:5 also reminds us that abiding in Jesus is what produces real fruit. Not hustle, not perfection, but relationship. Our dependence on Him is not weakness—it’s wisdom, an invitation to collaborate with God to create the life we desire. Abiding in God has to do with our faith AND our thinking.

Marshawn Evans Daniels says it beautifully in her book, 100 Days of Believing Bigger, “Stepping into what God has for you will always require you to believer bigger – beyond who you think you are. It requires you to be willing to see yourself as necessary, incredibly gifted and limitlessly impactful.”

Sustainable Change Starts with Belief

So how do we begin to live from a place of identity that honors God and honors ourselves?

Start by asking:
What do I really believe about myself?
What lies am I still carrying?

Then ask:
What is my “why”? In the business world, it is said that your “why” should make you cry. If your why is easily altered by the opinions of others, then it is not strong enough. What drives you to grow, to heal, to become who you were meant to be? For me, it’s wanting to be around for my son, to meet my future grandkids, to travel with my husband, to keep building a retreat business that lifts others up.

And don’t forget to ask: What’s my “why not”— what are the limiting beliefs that keep pulling you back from living a full, victorious life? Naming them is the first step in breaking their power.

Matthew 11:24 says, “Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” But belief takes intention. Are you focusing on your problems, past hurts and mistakes or on God’s promises? You become what you behold.

Invest in Yourself—You’re Worth It

Change takes time and intention, and we now have more tools than ever at our finger tips. Start simple:

• Listen to podcasts and sermons
• Read books and journal
• Spend quiet time with the Lord
• Read your Bible
• Listen to guided meditations
• Create a vision board, dream book or mind movie
• Speak and repeat affirmations of truth over your life every single day

You can go deeper with a coach, therapist, or in a retreat setting. Sometimes the breakthrough comes when we’re brave enough to invest in ourselves and ask for help.

Make Room for the Real You; She’s Waiting to Emerge!

I dare you—make room.

Make room to heal, to believe, to grow. Let go of the lies and step into the truth of who you are: gifted, worthy, loved, and called.

Take one year to intentionally invest in yourself, spiritually and emotionally. Watch what God does with that time. Your best identity isn’t something you have to create—it’s already in you, waiting to be uncovered.

And when the healthiest version of you shows up, everyone around you benefits.

So take a deep breath.
Surrender to the process.
Abide.
And make room—because your story isn’t over yet and neither is mine.

Check out the song, Make Room, by I AM THEY…https://youtu.be/inqgm05mfEk