Part 1: Darkest Before the Dawn

“See I will make you into a threshing sledge, new and sharp with many teeth.” – Isaiah 41:15

Last week my husband and I set out for a trip to Houston for a few days. This wasn’t a pleasure trip. I had been diagnosed with a recurrence of breast cancer in April of 2023 and things were going smoothly until I received some concerning bloodwork results. I made an appointment at MD Anderson to get an updated scan and figure things out. After two years of dealing with this, I was ready to do whatever was necessary to get my life back.

As we drove away from the house and headed south, the skies were dark and ominous, and a storm began forming on the horizon. The sky could not possibly look any more eerie and dark. The atmosphere was as heavy as my weary heart, but at the same time I had an unusual sense of peace.

I thought to myself, “wow; could this night look any more menacing?” A gentle whisper from God, like a thought, popped in my mind, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” Little did I know that good news was coming.

Early in my healing journey God gave me a scripture from Isaiah 41:15, “See I will make you into a threshing sledge, new and sharp with many teeth.” This is part of a passage where God was speaking to his people, promising them victory and power. A threshing sledge is a tool that was used to separate grain from the husk by beating it. In this context, the threshing sledge represents God’s power to overcome enemies and difficulties, allowing his people to triumph.

What appeared to be an awful setback was actually a divine setup to strengthen my faith and fine tune my encouragement skills. I believe God allows desert seasons and storms in our lives to refine us, to remove what is impeding us from becoming the best version of ourselves. As I look back on the last two years, I see how God was using this season to prepare me for something bigger and better for my life.

When I was first diagnosed, it felt like punishment and like God had forsaken me. I knew He loved me and had told me years ago that He would never leave me, but I felt devastated and lost. I dove into all kinds of research and prayed for healing daily. I went down some serious rabbit holes trying to control my outcome, which can make a person crazy.

Although I have a great support system, at times I felt very isolated. A close friend pulled away from me, stopped asking questions and was suddenly unavailable. I understand now that God sometimes separates us during trials so that we will be more dependent on Him and learn to rely on our own inner strength, creating resilience and confidence.

A seed won’t grow while it is still in its comfortable little package. It must be planted in the dark and broken open to sprout and take root. It is the same with us; sometimes God allows disruption in our lives to launch us into a higher level.

As Marshawn Evans Daniels writes in 100 Days of Believing Bigger, “Disruption is designed to reposition us, elevate us, and propel us into stronger, wiser, and more anointed versions of ourselves. It’s not punishment; its preparation and re-alignment. When we shift our perspective, hardship is like weight training that builds muscle, endurance and strength.”

I spent a lot of time in my Bible, growing my faith, but I was afraid for my future. The fear and anxiety were overwhelming at times. Some days I would start out great in the morning, empowered for the day by my quiet time, and by 3 p.m. my mind and attitude would begin spiraling in fear.

Then one day I heard Terri Savelle Foy talk about shifting your ask. Instead of repeatedly asking God for something, she said start thanking him in advance for answering that prayer. I remembered how I prayed and prayed for a child throughout six miscarriages.

In 2005 I participated in a Bible study called Believing God. At the end of the study, Beth Moore challenged us to ask God for something so big that only God could do it. So, I shifted my ask. I started thanking God in advance for a baby in the next year. In May of 2006 I found out I was pregnant again, and Caleb was born in January of 2007! How soon we tend to forget the miracles God has performed in our lives when we are faced with adversity! I call this spiritual amnesia.

I made a list of all the times God showed up for me and reviewed it often. I knew that if he did it in the past, he would do it again. I began thanking God for a healed, whole body and focused more on God’s promises and healing scripture instead of obsessing over possible cures. I meditated on scripture and affirmations on power and strength. I continued my healing protocol but stopped doing so much research. I shifted my attention from healing to the Healer and surrendered to the process.

John 10:10 says that the enemy comes to kill and destroy but Jesus came that we would have life to the FULL. I 100% believe that means living a healthy, whole a life filled with joy and peace that can only come from God. We like to blame the devil, but often our lack of peace is our own undoing because of our thought life.

Isaiah 26:3 says, “He will keep in perfect peace, those whose minds are stayed on you, because they trust in you.” The verse speaks of perfect peace, Shalom, a Hebrew word that also means to be safe, whole and sound. We all mediate on something, whether its ruminating on past hurts, trying to control outcomes by planning our futures, or thinking about what groceries we need to buy for the week. Awareness of what you’re thinking about is the first step. The second step is to retrain your brain. (I will get more into this in the next blog.)

As I reflect on this journey, filled with gratitude to be cancer free, I see the truth in the words, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” Through the struggle, I have come to realize that every trial, every moment of hardship, is a step toward refining and strengthening my soul and character. The threshing floor, a place of pain and separation, is also a place of transformation, where what is essential is sifted and purified.

God, in His infinite wisdom, uses these trials not to break us, but to shape us into something more resilient, more faithful, and more aware of His presence. He doesn’t promise us a life free from struggle, but He does promise to be with us through every dark moment, guiding us toward the light. It is in those moments when we feel most alone, when we can’t see the end of the storm, that He is closest, refining us like gold in the fire.

And as the dawn breaks, I am reminded that the storm is not the end—it is simply the beginning of something greater, something beautiful. And with it, the hope, the healing, and the strength to face whatever comes next.